Now, a toss up between (1) opening up to others, which carries the possibility of being wrong or being judged (cue the SNL "ooooh nooooo, Mr. Biiiiiilll" falsetto scream) and (2) stopping the process of thinking and analyzing/overanalyzing, since that's how I approach the world, that's what I was trained to do, and if I don't do it I don't know what I will do.
Example - a "dharma freak out" earlier this year when I was asked to look deep inside and find something authentic and internal, and found absolutely nothing. A whistling canyon of nothing, with a little ball of tumbleweeds spinning in it. Actually, I think that my mind and ideas were in there, but like a cockroach in a brightly lit bathroom, running in circles in blind panic lest they be seen. "nooooooooo, don't see me! nooooooooo."
I need to sit more, meditate more, think and overanalyze less. If I drop the thinking and overanalysis I don't know what I'll have left (except for the terrified halogen lit cockroach of ego running in a circle). That scares me, and I should try it (but I should try it). I don't know what I'll find.
For Poetry Monday, Wallace Stevens' The Snowman. I don't know if Stevens studied Zen in the early 20th Century, but this poem certainly suggests that he did. Anyone know more?
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with snow;
To behold the junipers shagged with ice,
The spruces rough in the distant glitter
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare place
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.